He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
