Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
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