Where did you get a picture of my penis
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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