Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
