so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
