dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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