I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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