i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
