lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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