having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
that may or may not have been my penis.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
