You just made me feel so damn special
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
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In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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