he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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