Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
