Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
