no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
