So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
