And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
