Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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