It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
