Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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