Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
