Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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