After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
