we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
