Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
