Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
