No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
