If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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