Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
