I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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