So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
