I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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