I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.