I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him