now i know why i became what i already was.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..