I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel