new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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