I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im about as happy as oj after his trial
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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