You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
