I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My pussy is not your playground.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have aggressive nipples.
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