how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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