How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
