so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
