I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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