Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
