some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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