Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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