my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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