It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
