# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
