you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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