I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
