I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
