Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
