i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
