Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
