I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
