I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
