I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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