i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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