ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
