the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
