well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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