I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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