Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
