i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
