I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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