Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im holly from the hills drunk
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
