Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
