in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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