Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
