girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
