Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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