Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
