I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
