bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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