then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
