Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
